Reflexology: Fail. Huge Fail.

I got a living social coupon for a “30 minute reflexology session and a 60 minute massage”** at Inner Wellness in Montrose.  It was not what i expected.  Or what it was advertised as.  It was not in a spa, gym, or store.

expected this….

** The EXACT wording.

What it was:

– In a woman’s house.  -Not quite as sketch as it seemed.  it was a seperate work space attached to the house.

– A woman who specializes in cancer patients and the lymphatic system.

– 30 minute Indian Champissage: a relaxation for the head, neck and shoulders.  It was basically a head rubdown.  Which felt nice (i mean how often do you get your head rubbed?) and is supposedly while Indian women don’t go gray, but it was not what i anticipated.  While it did ease tension and stress, it did not erase the knots in my neck.  So for what it was, i’m sure it was great. For the Living Social advertised massage? Fail.

except my lady didn’t have cool shades on.

– 45 minute Kansa Vatki: an Ayurvedic treatment of the feet and lower limbs designed to rebalance the Tridosha of Vata, Pitta, and Kapha.  Basically a foot and calf rub using coconut oil and a small metal bowl.  Again, pretty relaxing but in no way reflexology.

Pros:

– I did not have to take off any clothes, which made me feel much better about it being in some womans house.  If it had seemed sketch i would have hightailed it out of there, which would have hurt my money conscious heart.

– The music as great, although i def distracted myself majorly trying to figure out if it was the instrumental track from Pocahontas or Mulan.  Immediatly brought to mind both movies, so then i wasted precious relaxation time trying to remember the words to any of the songs to see if they fit.  Conclusion: 78% sure it was Pocahontas.

– I got to take a little quiz to find out if i am a Vata, Pitta or Katha. In case you are curious i am a combo of Pitta and Katha. Still fairly unsure what that means, but i like surveys and tests.

Cons:

– Not at all as advertised. Seriously Living Social? major generic word play.  In fact the woman stressed that it was nothing like reflexology twice. um then why, praytell, was it advertised as such?

– I felt reasonably awkward. (altho in fairness, i feel a degree of awkwardness in most massages, i really fail at emptying my mind and instead focus on things like: the time, whether or not i should tell them the pressure is too much or if it will just get better, wishing i put more lip balm on because now my lips are dry and i don’t want to lick them like a creeper as someone working on my shoulders, and assessing how bad i have to pee).

– I still have knots in my neck.

– It just made me want a real massage.

– I still don’t know more about reflexology.

So if you have any friends or family who need lymphatic treatment after cancer, check her out, Inner Wellness in Montrose. She had lots of framed certificates, so she seems legit enough. If you are looking for a massage and reflexology, don’t go there, cause she doesn’t do that.

Sidenote: I do not understand how arizona doesn’t partake in daylight savings time.  What happens if you live on the border and travel into Arizona for work? Or out of?  Do you have to leave an hour earlier? or later? How do you reconcile having 2 different times all the time?  For that matter what about people who live on the border of time zones? How do they live their life with two different times happening all the time? i can’t handle people being late here.  I’m pretty sure my brain would explode if i lived on a border.

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