Week 25: Bridal Bliss Show

This weekend was the Dietrich’s Bridal Bliss fundraiser, and i think it went really well.  All the rehearsals paid off and the audience laughed alot! all those hilarious wedding stories i suppose.  although i know that in the 2 decades i was in (70’s & 50’s) some of the laughter was also due to our ridiculous poses…. so hopefully they made a lot of money and will continue to supply me with the movies and popcorn that are necessary to my existence.  the pic below is in the alley by the the dietrich, apparently t-town has a gang that vandalizes walls.  watch your back blood killas, bridal bliss is coming to getcha!

Movie News: Green Lantern was really good! i don’t know why the reviews were SO awful.  i mean character development was crap, but it was very funny and action packed.  and although no one made fun of the ridiculous costume, they did poke fun at the stupid mask thingy which i appreciated. 

1st BBQ of the year! can’t believe it took this long to happen, but thats life i suppose.  had a hot dog, some snackys, played some cornhole and once again my balance is restored.  although, i need a new grill something fierce.  mine is super busted.  also this week my mom and i worked on my landscaping and put in tall grasses down by the lake which look really nice. AND, shifty is back.  or shiftys cousin.  for those of you not in the know, shifty is a snake that lives in the rock steps into the lake.  we have a mutual fear of each other and apparently after vacationing for the last few years he has returned home.  to scare the crap out of me again.  it’s not so bad when you think he’s there and check before walking down, but when you don’t check and almost step on him, then he jumps a foot in the air, and flops back into the safety of the water, and i jump back a step and flee to the safety of the dock. it’s all very stressful.

Another first: 1st carnie food of the year! Lake Winola carni was this weekend and i had my first dozen carni clams. delicious.  also had some potato pancakes but they were not nearly as delicious as the t-town carni ones.

Lesson of the week: want to look tanner? Wear neon shorts. For reals. I bought the best shorts ever, like thin mid-thigh cut off sweats (Vicky’s Pink) in what was called neon coral online, and yeah it’s NEON, but boy do I look tan! i kind of want to buy them in every color.  both for the tan enhancer and the supreme comfort.


Week 24: Crazy Zombie Inmate story

Weds: pampered chef party, got a MANUAL food processor that works like a salad spinner, but with blades of death. pesto, hummus and salsa, allll summer long.

(not so) epic fail: planned to start running around the lake in the AM, set a goal of once this week.  # of times running: 0.  # of times i hit my snooze: 3.  on average.  my problem is that i LOVE sleep.  must conquer this.  as incentive to start running i ordered a new bikini from Vickys, green tie dye, oh yeah!

Thursday: Movies and Wine: i have a new movie buddy, and she brings wine. and cups. and manages not to spill said wine when pouring into said cups in a dark movie theater.  impressive indeed.  Super8: Very Good.  kind of like goonies/ET for the new generation.  i may have scream/shrieked a few times.  and shed a tear.  and laughed a lot.  AND it has Coach Taylor (FNL!) so really, how could i not love it to pieces? and the train crash part is RIDIC.  true Spielberg awesomeness. it wasn’t even in 3-D and i still ducked a few times.

Friday: New Friend Happy Hour. Grilled swordfish wrap, delish.

Saturday: Rented a dumpster so my mom and i could clean out under my cottage (approx 30 years of crap from renters and others) gross gross gross. one of those improvement projects that has been on my list forever.  at one point i was trying to shovel away old leaves and debris and hit something that made my shovel go “tink”. assuming it was a piece of metal i brushed off some leaves and mused , “hmm that looks like a head”, and then, “EW it IS a head!”.  it was a petrified possum skeleton.  so gross. and their tails are bone btw.  i stopped working till my mom got there so i could show her/ have her help me dispose of it.  seriously, it freaked me out. i had to go inside and take a little break.

then it was mountain party time! highlights- gummi bears soaked in vodka (apparently the new thing now), delicious grilled stuff, smores, fold out chairs with footrests, brand new outhouse with purell and a mirror, and a giant sized bonfire.

the lowlights- i got the weirdest shit-talk ever during a beer pong game.  “i can’t believe you made that shot with your PALE SKIN!” wha-?  so many thoughts.  1- yeah, actually, my pale skin, doesn’t affect my hand-eye coordination. 2- good thing my cousin didn’t make that shot or you’d have nothing, cause she’s super tan. 3- piss off, i’m not that pale. 4- terrible smack talk.  you should be embarrassed.

and finally, work ridiculousness: Crazy Zombie Inmate.

guy 2 “i bought a truck from guy 1 and he said he bought it from you but never titled it and has lost the original title.  you sold it 10 years ago. ”

me “ok, well he needs to apply for a lost title”

guy 2: “well, he died.”

me: “huh. ok, lemme get back to you”

….few days pass……

me: “so since the guy is dead -”

guy 2: “no, no he isn’t dead, he went crazy and burned his house down, he’s in a mental institution. Vietnam.”

me: “huh. ok, lemme get back to you”

….few days pass….

me: “so since the guy is mentally incapacitated you need to- ”

guy 2: “no, no, he isn’t mentally incapacitated he’s in jail. Vietnam.”

me: “huh. ok, well then he needs to do (super complicated) x, y, and z.”

guy 2: “well he gets out tomorrow so i can probably bring him up there to do the paperwork:

me: “huh. ok. great.”

so a mentally incapacitated zombie fresh from jail with Vietnam problems? perfect. this doesn’t sound sketch at all. how fortuitous he gets out tomorrow.

Week 23: Ducks and Turtles and Fawns, oh my!

Dorky title, eh? this was def a wildlife week. it started with me being awoken one night by a duckfight. scared the ever-loving crap out of me. as a girl living alone i can identify any sound usual to my house/the lake in like 2 seconds, but a duckfight? at midnight? took me a heart pounding while to figure it out. imagine a catfight (loud!) but with quacking(louder). and travelling, they fought all the way down my lawn, under my window, and into the lake (splash!). super weird. and also my new thing for the week since i have never experienced that.  done and done. then, my sister was home for the weekend and everywhere we drove she insisted the passenger (me or her) had to be on turtle watch. i mean, admirable, but slightly unnecessary since we didn’t see any driving. although we did see one squished while walking. clearly that car did not have a turtle-watchin passenger. although, to be fair, i did see like 3 turtles earlier in the week while driving. and lastly, the fawn. my parents and uncle have been talking about this adorable tiny fawn by their house for weeks now and my mom was CONVINCED it got eaten by the coyote. (because of course they have a coyote) but no! we saw the fawn and her momma walkin along the driveway on saturday, SO CUTE. still super spotty and tiny and gangly. they bailed into the field (did not like us gawking i imagine) and the little fawn kept jumping up to find her mom above the high hay, it was adorbs.  like she had wee tiny pogo sticks for legs.  i’ve also seen a lot of birds fighting lately.  like tiny little birds going after hawks and crows and just pecking their backs.  pretty creepy in a hitchcock way.

also this weekend was a giant family gathering for my sister who is getting married, sort of a meeting of the families if you will.  it was a good time, and i think her fiance’s family enjoyed themselves (like they had a choice, muah haha) at the party, dinner, and brunch.  if nothing else everyone was very well fed! in all honesty i really like my family.  everyone gets along, and we actually enjoy hanging out and catching up. plus my cousins have some of the cutest kids EVER.   so while some people might say “UGH a whole weekend with the extended family”, we mostly just say “yay!”. which is awesomepants. 

other events in my week: expanded a flower bed so i can put in tall grasses (nonstop rollarcoaster of excitement right here), swam in the lake for the first time this year (necessary after gardening in 95* heat) had a power outage (nice to have a friend in the electric co that you can call and get updates!) and found my new favorite bug spray: Off Active (it’s sweatproof!).

Week 22: Always a Bridesmaid….

and also a Bride! no, i’m not engaged (obviously) but all thanks to the Bridal Bliss fundraiser for the Dietrich i get to be a model (oo lala), a 1950’s bridesmaid (purple tulle anyone?) and a totally awesome 1970’s Bride.  with a huge hat.  jealous? you should be. things you should not be jealous about: the hot lights on stage, the fake acting, and the stupid poses we have to hold forever.  most decades have nice demure poses, but somehow for both of mine we crafted painful, uncomfy, hard to hold and not laugh poses.  cause we’re smart like that.   fundraiser is June 26th, so if you want to support the Dietrich and my movie addiction buy a ticket! 

this weekend i also helped my sister unpack in their new house! if ever my ‘little miss bossy’ persona comes in handy it is here. 2 apartments combined into one house full of stuff.  i was an unpacking machine. the kitchen is glorious.  completely unpacked.  even has empty cabinets! my job was oh so complete.  approx 15 moving boxes worth of kitchen.  if anyone needs a dishtowel just ask my sister, she only has about 347 of them.  and used them as extra wrapping.  so JUST when we had the dishtowel drawer full, oh wait, here is 47 more wrapped around platters.  good lord. although i did get some “new for me” wineglasses out of the deal, so yay!

on a random note: i woke up this morning with my arm under my pillow, dead asleep and then stretched under my pillow with my other hand, felt the dead hand and freaked out for a fast second.  i HATE that. 

movie news: X-Men First Class was pretty fantastic.  tons of story, clearly lots of backstory (i mean it IS a prequel) an even a great cameo. (F*** Off!) i liked seeing the beginning relationships, although i am confused about the White Queen.  they screwed that up pretty good since in Wolverine they had her as kiddo Emma Frost when Prof X was older, and in this one she is already the White Queen when Prof X is younger.  creative license i suppose. or a rip in the X-men time-space continuum.

we then continued our trip back in time by drinking at the Red Lion Inn (the bar at the Prince).  it’s kind of like walking into a Mad Men bar.  of course in our case it was full of rowdy boys who were trying to drink the Red Lion out of alcohol.  literally, that was their plan. they made a FB event and everything.

also i made a new word: when you have a tatted arm it’s a sleeve.  (obvi) but i saw a guy at the gym with a sleeve on his left arm, and his right leg was competely tattooed.  ergo: a pant. i kind of want to make friends with him so i can impart my awesome new slang.  clearly that is a conversation that will go really well.

Week 21: A$$hole Tan

if you know me or my sisters at all, then you have heard of the asshole tan.  you know the one: the tan where you get sunscreen everywhere but miss a few crucial spots, the tan where you fall asleep on your side (my sister did this in Miami, ouch) and have a super sexy line of burn, the tan where you wear a weird shirt and get crazy lines.  basically anytime you burn and have irregular red, thats an asshole tan.  so named because you look at it and think, “man, i look like an asshole.”  welcome to my sunday night.  my chest is burned with wicked strap marks from my swim suit, the tops of my arms are burned from reading a book the whole time (pretend you are sitting and reading a book and you will see where i mean) and i even have an awesome shorts line from sitting at my aunts, in shorts, on her patio of death.  how does one person get so many bizarro lines in one day? and the queen of sunscreen no less? (although, i do maintain that my sunscreen was old and had lost its protective ability. hawaiian tropics my ass, it couldn’t even handle pennsylvania spring). how is it possible?  oh thats right. it’s called the asshole tan.  welcome to summer.

i bought all new sunscreen at target so i vow this will not happen again this summer! i felt slightly better btw, that my sister also got a minor asshole tan: managed to burn her wrists and what looks like a thumbprint on both sides of her neck.  random.

so in my last post i commented on my love of matchy matchy.  i really do love it.  i like to match my eyeshadow to my outfit, i like to match my pens at work to my outfit. i like to match my shoes to lots of stuff.  but on friday night, at happy hour i took it to a whole new level. a level it should never be taken to.  my friend and i went to state street for happy hour, and the one day i wear orange (seriously, i never wear orange.  i only have one orange shirt and i only wore it cause i was trying to give a shirt i don’t wear much some facetime) the only place left to sit are the couches.  with light orange cushions and pillows.  with dark orange placemats and dark orange menus.  so as i am sitting there looking at the matchy matchy in disbelief (and slight embarrassment, i mean it was ridic) my friend strolls in. wearing an orange shirt. i mean what are the odds? i almost took a picture, but didn’t want to draw more attention to the debacle. 


hangover 2: better than expected.  those guys are just hilarious.  they really are.  the story was EXACTLY the same as the last one, but it was still worth it.  i laughed a lot.  and the monkey is ridic.

bridesmaids: worse than expected.  my aunt told me it was raunchy and man was she right.  my sister, cousin and i were a little shocked at some of the scenes.  it was too over the top for me.  and i felt that the ladies were all super funny but underutilized.