Week 12: Beerfest

 Normally i dislike being stuffed into a room at Shadowbrook with 300 other people, but one day a year, i do so dearly love it.  It’s been a long year since i last saw you Beerfest, welcome back! i forgot to count, but i’ll say there were at least 8 beer vendors (distributors and brewers alike) with an average of 4 or 5 beverages each.  the thing that gets me every year is that they give you a cheesy plastic cup or mug with the logo on it, but then at each place they give you your beer in a tiny plastic cup.  why not put my beer in the mug you just gave me? very wasteful. 


1. my new favorite beer: Sam Adams Blackberry Witbier

2. people that are my friends, people that are my acquaintances, and randoms: the wannabe jersey shore contingent (i kept my eye out for fist pumping, but sadly there was none), the VERY pregger girl drinking beer, the funny guy that told me a joke as a way of demonstrating that he knew a lot of stuff (point NOT made fine sir), hot dog eating contest participants, girl with a veritable POUND of makeup on, and super hot (but married) beer guy from the new brewing co in Plains. 

3. the make-your-own-liquor stand, complete with tiny little wooden barrels, which was next to the jewelry/belt buckles made of beer bottles.  recycling at its finest.

4. the standout belt buckle that was also a flask.  a removable flask.  otherwise that would be super complicated/dirty.

5. the girl that gave my cousin the stink eye when girl thought she grabbed her mans ass.  hilarious.  and there was no ass grabbing, she just apologized unclearly for hitting the guys hanging beer opener. 

6. CRUSHING disappointment.  my new favorite beer from the fall (ironically it’s a summer beer, hence my salivating over it all fall/winter cause i can’t get it) will now only be sold in the Stegmaier variety pack.  jigga what?

7. i really dislike how people use crowded rooms for unnecessary touching.  when i need to bust through a crowd of people i use my elbows, or i try to slide through without touching anyone, or i say excuse me alot.  a majority of the other people use it as an opportunity to creepily slide their hand across your stomach or back while squishing by.  you know, the swipe and linger.  creepers.


Suckerpunch: good not great. although i do admire the lead girl for fighting with a gun AND a sword in different hands.  i think it would be like trying to pat your head and rub your stomach.  i would try to slash the gun and shoot the sword.  complicated stuff.


My salesman asked me if there was a particular way he had to fold the title before he put it in the envelope to mail.  my reply:

“An origami swan is best.”  -met with a blank stare.

“but if you are short on time you can just fold it thirds and stuff it in.”  – at this he laughed.  relieved he didn’t have to learn origami.  

i mean seriously.  would you also like advice on the proper placement of the stamp? perhaps on the amount of force required to get the perfect imprint of our return address stamp?


Week 11: NEPA Idol!

You know, like American Idol…..but in NEPA.  So this friday was NEPA Idol at Wellingtons.  i convinced my friends to go, and really i expected a hot mess.  and was quite excited about that.  surprisingly enough it was actually not bad! it was like going to watch karaoke and having all the singers be decent.  the actual worst part was they had the singers in the back and the speakers were pointed toward the judges table, so it was hard to hear the people.  also, i did not recognize any of the judges, clearly they were c-list local celebrities.  one suggestion i will make to hopeful idol’ers: don’t sing a sloooow song, it will just put the bar audience to sleep.  some of the contestants clearly did not realize their job was also to entertain me….

so i made sure to invite 2 of my friends that sing, and i had an evil master plan to get them both to sign up.  well, less evil i suppose and more dreadfully simple: put them together with alcohol and “karaoke” and they will pressure each other to sing so they aren’t the only one.  i figured it was foolproof, but my one singer friend went home early…. but i still had 50% success cause my other friend couldn’t resist and tried out.  i think she did great, but apparently the judges had a different opinion cause she didn’t win….

the other story of note from that night is a newspaper article my friend brought to everyone’s attention.  last week a 27 yr old scranton girl was arrested and the cops found, during a cavity search (ew.), the following:

53 bags of heroin, 33 empty bags, 8 and a half prescription pills, $51, and 22 cents.  what no lipstick or travel sized hairbrush?  i mean i understand hiding certain things, but why the money? it’s not a crime to have $51.22 in your purse. and if it was i certainly think i’d ditch the 22 cents.  i guess priorities are different for everyone…

Random other stuff:

So i had a dream that i was being told about my little sister from Big Brother, Big Sisters and i was really anxious to find out what she would be like.  which in real life i am. the dream person (who was ironically a child herself) came up and said i was getting a very difficult child and she wanted to prepare me cause she wasn’t sure i could handle a problem child.  and when i asked what the difficulty was, she replied:

“She’s very pessimistic”

not gangs, drugs, or violence.  nope.  this kid just has a bad outlook on life.  apparently the one thing my subconscious can’t handle, the one thing i truly fear, is pessimism.  alrighty then.

things that bug me to no end:

when parents say they have to stay home and babysit.  if it is your kid, it’s not called babysitting, it’s called parenting. 

on the radio a caller said he was home because he was “playing stay-at-home-mom” with  his son. if he is your son, then you are his dad.  ergo you are not “playing” jack, you are a stay at home dad.  or at the very least a stay at home dad for the day.

Week 10: Flip the format.

Typically i only report on my weekend activities.  after all there is a much higher chance of fun on the weekends, while during the week it’s hard to find time for new exciting things.  that said, here are my highlights from last week. 

Monday: 14″ of snow! Ridiculous.  also couldn’t go into work cause they didn’t plow the lake until 2pm! so less ridiculous and more awesome i suppose…. provided a much needed recuperation day after skication. i could have been productive but instead i unpacked and watched tv all day. although i did bust out my ski goggles for shoveling. and i may have thrown a few shovelfuls into the wind since i was wearing goggles.

Tuesday: James David Bass is born! Congrats lil buddy, you have the best parents and big sister around! also Linds- if the next one is a girl may i suggest Maria? you know, keep the trend of naming your kids after awesome people rolling… also my sister visited him in the hospital and verified that he is indeed “the cutest baby ever”.  good job Bass family!

Wednesday: Funeral for a very sweet woman who died at 99.  she was my mom’s best friend from high schools mother.  where a bunch of older people i haven’t seen for probs 20 years marvelled (literally marvelled) at how pretty i am. apparently i should be a model.  clearly i was either (a) looking Really Good that day, (b) had no competition since i was the only woman under 60 there, or (c)was a very ugly child and they were relieved i grew up normal looking….i’m gonna go with option b.

Thursday: Tried that new tresemme dry shampoo for the second time.  and again it was an epic fail. static central on my head.  clearly my hair only likes wet shampoo… it did not look anything like the commercial girls hair.   also my addiction to Words with Friends is growing.

Friday: Went to see “Take Me Home Tonite”.  the 80’s, one big night, comedy with Topher Grace.  who i secretly heart.  he’s all snarky and gangly and nerdy.  and some girl who looks like kristen stewart, but is not.  my friend tried to convince me it was, but i wasn’t buying it.  she’s only good at being gloomy and moody with vampires, she could never be fun and bubbly in 80’s couture.  so overall it was entertaining, it was not, however, the best thing ever as it was advertised on the radio.  wtf. everything they say on my radio morning show is apparently not true. thanks alot kidd kraddick in the morning.

Week 9: Skication 2011- Breck.

Okay, catching up here.  So last week was our 2nd annual family skication.  Location this year? Breckenridge, CO.  3 full days of skiing and we had every kind of great weather, we skiied in sun, clouds, and snow.  we had a day of fresh powder and best of all, the trails were EMPTY the first 2 days.  if you ever go to Breck, stay at Antler lodge (or one close to it) because we had ski in/ski out AND best of all the ski rental place across the street stored our boots and skis every night for us.  super convenient. 

skication #2 has further enforced my love of the ski culture.  the clothes are comfy, the people are super nice, and even tho it’s cold out, the thing to do is sit outside in the sunshine and drink beer on top of a mountain.  i really do love it.  especially the jaunty little walk you get with skiboots.  i still haven’t tackled the super hard slopes, but seriously, how good am i going to be if i only ski 3 days a year…. i’m pretty happy with greens and blues.  they give you more time to gawk at the scenery without worrrying about killing yourself. 

another great part of skication was that we know some people in Colorado so we got to spend some QT with people we rarely see.  my parents friends that live in Pueblo came up to hang for 2 days and even made elk chili for the whole crew. these are people i’ve met a handful of times in my life (most notabley while camping and panning for gold when i was 9…) and they are just the nicest people you will ever meet.  also a great way for my dad to spend his b-day.  my friend from Denver also came out to play for a day, he was the only snowboarder in a group of skiiers.  it did kind of make me want to learn to snowboard cause it looks very graceful (a word my sister used, that doesn’t seem like it would fit but it really does).  but i think i will do that on our wee mountains here so i don’t waste a skication day on my ass….

Favorite things:

1. the mountain trail map that was also a shammy for goggles.  super cool. as our waiter Darren said, “dude? a souvenier that is also useful, no way!”

2. our waiter Darren.  he was a most excellent combination of Keanu Reeves (circa Bill & Teds) and our cousin Doug.  a sample of convo, his part said in a kind of slow, raspy, surfer-y dialect, basically as Ted. also with a lot of nodding and staring:

Darren- you guys all done with that fondue? want me to clear it?

My sister- nah, we will keep working on it, there is a little left to scrape from the bottom.

Darren- Scrapin the bottom…. diggg it……

also many uses of: totally, awesome, and even a righteous.

3. the martini my sister and i ordered one night: the spicy blood orange with serrano infused tequila and blood orange juice.  literally after every sip you had to stop talking and breathe out a few times.  it was awesomepants. we got it at the Hearthstone in Breckenridge, so if you go there order it.

4. cutting through the trees on a made up path.  granted i only did this once and it was just to get to another trail, and i went super slow, but still it was fun. 

Things i learned:

1. goggles really are necessary in CO.  last year i used sunglasses and they would not have worked for me this year.  plus they make you look cool . in a large alien bug sort of way.  i think i just like having “gear”.

2. potassium helps with sore muscles.  so eat a banana if you are sore.

3. when your place advertises a hot tub “in the adjacent complex” find out which one that is…. we never did discover the hot tub and that was sad.

4. chairlift anxiety really goes away after the first ride.  i learned this last year, just thought i would reiterate.

5. “on purpose” and “intentionally” mean the same thing.  this was not my lesson but someone elses hilarious misspeak.  you know who you are.

Week 8: Brought to you by the Marriott and Apple

It’s been a busy, busy couple of weeks.

Shellac update: it did last two weeks, but when i took it off my nails were a little rough… i would say its awesome for vacations but maybe not to do all the time….

New and noteworthy for Week 8: the JW Marriott San Antonio Hill Country Resort and the Apple IPad.  The last weekend of February brought the annual Freightliner meeting, held in sunny San Antonio.  i went down a day early to hang with a friend from austin and we took full advantage of the lazy river and water slides.  note to anyone going there: the “action river” part is not that action-y… but the river in general is fantastic, as are the water slides.  apparently 78* is “cold” in san antonio since we were the only ones in there besides the little kids.  the next day i stumbled on a Wonderful discovery, due to the off-season (i guess) the poolside cabanas were FREE.  so i lolled about my private cabana for a few hours before the meeting began.  it looked like a crate and barrel set up.  AND they had their chaise lounges on a ledge submerged in a few inches of water.  god i love resorts.

so the pre-meeting time was a success and one would have thought the actual meeting would have paled in comparison but it didn’t, i mean: hybrids! new trucks! new electrical systems! virtual technician! mexican food and bbq! and above all, open bars!  and their coup de grace: the IPad freightliner sales tool.  boo. ya.  also there was another Sherwood there from a different dealership (gotta love the giant name tags we all have to wear). nice guy. when i introduced myself to bond over our awesome last name, he said:

“ahhh, this explains why people kept asking me why i was ignoring my pretty young wife!” HA! i’ll take both compliments sir.

New obsessions:

1.  iBooks.  i didn’t think i’d like reading on a pad, but man it’s awesome.  no need for bookmarks, can read in the dark, and if you want a new book all you do is peruse the store and press buy.  all the little books are lined up in my little online bookcase (literally, it’s a wooden bookcase) AND there are tons of free ones.  when you get the app they even give you a free book, mine was Winnie-the-Pooh.  oh Yeah!  so i don’t think i will abandon real books completely, but for travel, this is AWESOME.

2. Words with Friends.  online scrabble is super fun.  so any of you fancypants with an ipad or iphone come play with me 🙂

3. the Freightliner app.  the reason freightliner gave their dealers ipads.  it’s a pretty awesome sales tool, who would have thought technology and truck salesmen would be a match? dear freightliner geek squad: thank you so much for this awesome idea that netted me an ipad 🙂

so if anyone has awesome apps they can’t live without, fill me in!  i’m an app newbie.  stay tuned for the recap of Skication 2011…