Week 7: Stories from the Gym

This week i did nothing “new”.  at least nothing new that was blogworthy.  i doubt you want to hear about the new beer i tried, the fried mozzarella appetizer at Bazil or my new hat.  which is awesome btw.  intead i will speak of the gym.  i literally have an arsenal of gym stories. 

**Shellac update: Day 10- still no chips!

1. my hypothesis is that humor (or perhaps just my own special brand of humor) is inversely proportional to biceps.  and i’m not talking your run of the mill big biceps, i’m talking “i lift things up and put them down” types.  the testing portion of this hypothesis is generally done on the biggest, weight belt, tank top, gallon of water, biceps as big as my head guy i can find.  i’ve cracked jokes with this type of fella three times now, while either waiting for a machine or after asking them to adjust a setting for me that sticks.  EVERY time it’s like i’m lobbing quips at a brick wall (both literally and figuratively, HA).  my favorite was the guy who assured me that my (scrawny chickenesque) arms were indeed almost as big as his (approx the circumference of my waist) arms.  dead serious too.  no hints of irony in him.  my sisters btw are APPALLED that i speak to randoms in the gym.  they think this is unheard of.  clearly they have never been to Browns.  i will however acknowledge that i do get into ridiculous conversations.  which brings me to story 2.

2. so i’m changing into my gym outfit the one day and getting changed next to me is a tiny teenager with a GIANT purple belt next to her.  man i changed so fast so i could talk to her. (locker room rule, don’t talk to people that are half naked or if you are half naked. man i wish old ladies would adhere to this better). so anyway once everyone was properly attired i casually asked her what the belt was for.  POWERLIFTING. say what tiny teenage girl?….  i had so many questions.  SO MANY.  next sentence out of her mouth was, “yeah i wear pink shoes and my gloves are pink so the guys don’t forget i’m a girl.”  awwww. i didn’t even ask her how much she lifted, (although i totally will if i run into her again) or how she got into it, or if she wanted to be a bodybuilder.  i just said “well have fun! i like your belt”.  kids these days.

3. for a whole 4 days i was convinced james franco went to my gym.  like i carefully weighed the ridiculousness of that statement and still came out 40% convinced.  then i saw him on an award show in CA and he talked about what he had done those last few days in CA so i bumped it down to 5%.  i mean it’s still possible.   see, the one night i was on the elliptical and the strangest character came into the gym and worked out right in front of me.  he had some scraggly, unkempt longish hair, scrawny body in a black beater, black cargo shorts, high black socks, black combat boots, and little black weightlifter gloves.  i mean so bizarro it was like someone was testing their own hypothesis.  and he was also the spitting image of james franco.  like amazing.  not like the other guy at my gym who looks like dave matthews, but who has never tricked me into thinking he is DM.  so i spent the next 30 minutes on the elliptical staring at this character (who was doing crunches, and bizarro stretches, and basically acting like james franco in a SNL skit about weirdos at the gym) trying to convince myself that it wasn’t james franco.  and also looking at other people to see if they appeared to think this was james franco.   apparently i am the ony one at my gym with keen observation skills…  the best part about this story is when i told my sister and she was like, “thats crazy, i was just telling my friends that i was going to write james franco a letter and tell him that he should date my sister” (clearly unusual expectations run in my family) and her friends were like ” wow, you know james franco?” and my sister was like “no.”  had she actually wrote the letter and said where i lived i would bump it back up to 20%.  cause clearly it would not be a coincidence then.


Week 6: The Shellac

The Shellac Manicure that is:

14 day wear, zero dry time, mirror finish.

Challenge accepted. 

So one of my best friends has 2 kids and a busy busy life so it can be hard for the two of us to make plans.  But we had carved out an entire (!) Saturday to have a girls day with the 2 of us and her 4-year-old daughter.  i’m not sure who was more excited about this, us or clairebear…

the agenda: lunch, window shopping, manicures, and shoe shopping with just the girls.  shockingly enough clairebear was very excited to leave her 2-year-old brother jacksonbrown at home.  lunch was good and we got clairebear the cutest little shoes and sweater boots, the boots were all recycled, recycled tires for the bottom and recycled sweater for the top.  A-dorable.  but the real highlight was the manicure.  it took as long as a regular mani, cost a bit more, and currently at Sanderson the colors are pretty limited.  but oh. my. gosh. after applying the top coat and curing it with a blue light thingy, they were dry. like really dry.  like let the manicurist grab your hands and rub oil into your nails dry.  and SHINY. and smooth.  for the entire car ride home my friend and i just gazed at our nails. (don’t worry, clairebear just got a regular mani, i mean she’s 4, we aren’t crazy…)

then we got back to the house and played with the kids for a few hours.  *as a sidenote, one thing i LOVE about kids: when they are so excited and happy they want to hug you but you are doing something else (like paying for manicures) so they just hug your leg.  like, “oh here is a handy body part that is close to me”. LOVE IT.*  but i digress, back to the manicure.  it is currently day 3 and still no chips, still shiny, still perfecto.  i played with kids, i did housework, i showered twice, i cooked, and NOTHING.  i really wish i had a camera so you could see how pretty.  i plan to buy one this weekend, so if they are still perfect i will try to show proof.

also, it goes with my valentine’s day themed outfit: purple shirt, pink sweater, red nails, pink shoes.  which i realize sounds like a hot mess, but i assure you, it looks almost normal 🙂  happy valentines day!

Week 5: Working from home

Newsflash: the weather has been crappy.  Last week we had the trifecta: snow, sleet and freezing rain.  Now i will admit something: i generally like bad weather.  i will bitch and complain as much as the next person, but deep inside? i love it.  i love dressing all snuggly with giant sweaters and furry boots. (i also love a good monsoon- 2 words: RAIN BOOTS.)  i love turning my fireplace on and watching the snow/sleet/freezing rain outside.  i love how pretty the lake looks buried under snow.  i even love busting through the snowplow snow mound at the bottom of my driveway with my SUV.  It makes me feel tough.

there is one thing i do not love: my commute.  roughly 30 miles of back roads, two lane “highways”, and legit 4 lane highways.  i also do not love how the roads get progressively better on my drive to work, i leave my house, fight through snow and ice and terrible roads for like 18 miles, risking my LIFE, then all of a sudden the roads are bare, “just wet”, and i am late to work for no reason that anyone at work can understand because the roads are “fine”.  stupid commute.  then i have to turn around and do it all over again to get home. 

needless to say bad weather on work days stresses me out.  sometimes it stresses me out so bad i can’t even enjoy my snowy weather outfit.  and who wants that? so this week, i freakin planned ahead.  forecast: tuesday- snow all day, sleet/freezing rain all night, weds- sleet/freezing rain.  dis. gusting.  so being the crafty planner i am, i figured out a way to work from home weds, thus eliminating the need to tackle icy roads (my nemesis). 

my plan came together beautifully.  big annual meeting on the schedule for february and guess who plans it? me. of course.  luckily i had given all the managers a deadline of tuesday to get their reports/forecasts/goals to me. which meant i could take everything home with me and spend weds compiling information, planning the meeting, and creating the agenda.  it was perfecto. i could eliminate my deadly commute on ice day AND be super productive.

it. was. awesome. because i had no 45 minute commute, i got to sleep in.  i got to enjoy a real breakfast. i got to let my hair air dry. i did laundry WHILE working.  i stayed in my jammies all day. i had my fireplace on all day.  and surprisingly enough, i got all my work done.  i was a MACHINE. i even worked out. whats up fitness videos on netflix instant! and since i had no commute home i was all done with both work and gym by 5:30pm. so i took down all my xmas decorations, including my tree! (yes i know it is ridiculously late, but stuff it. i like christmas decor.)  i think i might make this a tradition.  every year the annual meeting shall be compiled at home.  the one day i can truly Work From Home.

the only downside was the ice storm was exaggerated.  so the roads weren’t that bad and i could have totally gone in.  but i already had my work from home day planned and cleared with my boss.  so…was it productive? yes. necessary? probs not.  but on the upside now i can relate when people talk about working from home 🙂 and maybe next year there will be a blizzard on my annual work from home day.  that would be even awesomer.